Thursday, February 7, 2013
MY AUDITION FOR SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
at first blush when you read the title of this post you were probably like, "holy balls, she auditioned for snl?!" or if you know me on a more personal level you were probably like, "this is ridiculous, i'm not reading this." no, my friends, i did not audition for the famous saturday night live but sometimes i wonder: could i?
the answer is most definitely no. i'm really only funny based on technicalities. that technicality being if sarcastic-comments-mixed-with-somewhat-big-words-that-don't-really-fit-the-joke or blatant-lies-to-be-funny is your kind of sense of humor, then you might think i'm a riot. or i might just really piss you off. one of the two.
i have been told from a small age that i was a funny person (and i don't by any means want you to think that i think i'm hysterical because really, i'm the opposite.) but, ever since i learned the skilled art (that takes absolutely no skill) of sarcasm from my older brother, i've been seemingly entertaining those who think this kind of talk is funny.
so, most of my life i grew up thinking, "damn, i'm like, really funny, i should write a book or start making youtube videos or something."
and then i hit a point in my life where my sarcasm got out of hand. i was offending girls right and left with no intention to. and then i met brad and he didn't think any of my best material was funny?! and i was like, "um, wtf?" (for this situation i like to think of brad and i as edward and bella, yes? edward can't read bella's thoughts, brad can't laugh at my jokes...) (for the record, i think he's the funniest person ever so this pissed me off extra.)
so then i started to perfect my craft. i told myself, "i'm gonna make brad think i'm funny, damnit!" and i'm getting closer. he laughs at more and more of my jokes, but they are the ones that are specifically catered to his sense of humor so whatever. can't please everyone, ay? he tells me i'm funny when i'm not trying and i'm like "brad, what the hell do you know about being a comedic genius? it's a tough thing, okay?"
so then last night my dear friend katie lynn tells me that i'm super witty. my roommate tells her to shut down the compliments because they will go straight to my sense-of-humor-head (whaaa? me?)
and then today i was like, "wait a minute, am i the next kristen wiig? mindy kaling? maybe a young tina fey?"
and then i was like, "jenna, you're an idiot. and stop reading kylie jenner's tweets and pay attention in class."
but then i got to thinking: what would be my best snl material? and thus, i present to you, my audition options for saturday night live.
1. i think i would most likely take on the role of like a condescending grade school teacher in most skits, i don't know it just seems fitting. i think it would be similar to the boss lady on workaholics. so okay, like a bitch?
2. i think my impressions would be of janel's mom on teen mom two. and then janel also. actually all of the teen mom characters (i mean...people i guess?) i can do with confidence. farrah, you're the most perfect for making fun of. think about that next time sophia accidentally touches your hair wrong or something and then you call your mom to send her away, okay?
3. i'm also fairly convinced i could pair up with seth meyers for some pret-ty good weekend updates. i could employ my photoshop skills for the graphics that come up...i could also come on as someone from the food network to complete their cast...rachel ray or alton brown seem like the most obvious choices for this.
4. i would also love to do impressions of chanel west coast. you know, from fantasy factory? she is just comedy gold, that one. i think i could do drama too, actually. maybe even big cat? but i draw the line at rob and big black, never mock fellow funny people, you know?
5. i would also like to let the opportunity to dress up as "fat monica" from friends. i just think that our similar occasional shrillness might align well.
so, as you can see, probably no one would be amused by me on snl. there is really no original content that i have to contribute, i mostly would probably just try to be a mix between amy pohler and will ferrell and they would be like, "let's kill this girl's character off."
oh, and snl, feel free to use any of the previously listed skit ideas for any of your material. except i will sue you for infringement on my personal copyright rights (learned about these when i stopped reading kylie jenner's tweets...) and then i won't ever have to work a damn day in my life except for writing the redonkulousness that is this blog.
ps. the photo above was my weak and lazy attempt at the snl photos. you can find a tutorial here!